So there has been a ton going on!!
I am still doing good on my new exercise/diet program, I have lost over 6lbs and am so EXCITED!!!
I have been doing a lot of walking and aerobics, in fact my mom, my BFF, and I are doing the
bridge walk over Labor Day, 5miles!!!!! Yeah I am pretty sure I am going to die, but it will be a
blast. We are going to spend Sunday on the island going through all the little shops then
the walk on Monday! This Sunday is our annual picnic for church, I have yet to make
the game I have to bring and I only have two days and no supplies yet haha so I should
probably really get started on that!! I am making a bean bag toss, since my class is the beginner
so they should really enjoy that!
Tonight I am off with Nikki to her house to make THINGS, they pretty much are awesome
and it is sure to be a great time!!
Anywho I need to get busy I am supposed to be researching hotels for our adventure next week and haven't even started!
Friday, August 24, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
So, I know it has been a while but I have been wayyyyy busy!!
On top of everything else that has been going on I lost my temp job because the funding was cut, so that was FABULOUS! NOT~!~
So I have been a busy beaver trying to find a job and keeping up with my new workout/diet program, which I am proud to say I have lost 4.2lbs!!!! WOHOOO, I am sooo proud of myself and cannot wait to keep losing more, I won't say what my goal is, but just that I have a ways to go, but I know I can do it!!
On a totally different note, I went out on a date last week with a guy I have been talking to.
It was a lot of fun we went to see the new Ice Age movie! I know childish haha, but we had a great time, and he was everything I expected!! He is on vacation for the rest of this week but we are making plans for when he gets back and I can't wait!!
I am on to bigger and better things!!!
On top of everything else that has been going on I lost my temp job because the funding was cut, so that was FABULOUS! NOT~!~
So I have been a busy beaver trying to find a job and keeping up with my new workout/diet program, which I am proud to say I have lost 4.2lbs!!!! WOHOOO, I am sooo proud of myself and cannot wait to keep losing more, I won't say what my goal is, but just that I have a ways to go, but I know I can do it!!
On a totally different note, I went out on a date last week with a guy I have been talking to.
It was a lot of fun we went to see the new Ice Age movie! I know childish haha, but we had a great time, and he was everything I expected!! He is on vacation for the rest of this week but we are making plans for when he gets back and I can't wait!!
I am on to bigger and better things!!!
Monday, August 6, 2012
Monday!
So it's MONDAY!! I made it through the weekend with no crying episodes or anything of the sort!!!
I am so over this whole thing, I mean yes it sucks but its LIFE, no use in crying over something when I know there are better things out there for me :)
So this weekend was busy busy busy!!
I had to work Thursday then went over to the BFF's house and hung out!
Friday I had to work two jobs so I didn't get out until close to midnight, but I am glad I made some extra money!!
Saturday worked and then waited for my parents to get home from Oklahoma, I missed them and I miss the kids like crazy, hopefully they will be coming back sooner rather than later!!!
And Sunday was church then afterwards I hung out with my friend B!
I haven't seen him in over a year so that was fun we watched the Olympics and hung out it was definitely different hanging out with another guy but it was fun!!
Now it is Monday I have actually had a busy morning/afternoon so it has gone by pretty fast (knock on wood)!
So as part of the "new me" and doing things for myself I joined Weight Watchers, so tonight I get to find out how I am doing and if I lost some weight. I feel like I did pretty good this past week, only had one splurge which was a piece of Peanut Butter Pie!! SOOO YUMMMY!!! I mean I will be happy losing a half a pound lol any type of loss would be wonderful so we shall see!!
Also excited for my Monday Night with the BFF, we always watch the Bachelor Pad together!!
Anywho that's my life for now!!
I am so over this whole thing, I mean yes it sucks but its LIFE, no use in crying over something when I know there are better things out there for me :)
So this weekend was busy busy busy!!
I had to work Thursday then went over to the BFF's house and hung out!
Friday I had to work two jobs so I didn't get out until close to midnight, but I am glad I made some extra money!!
Saturday worked and then waited for my parents to get home from Oklahoma, I missed them and I miss the kids like crazy, hopefully they will be coming back sooner rather than later!!!
And Sunday was church then afterwards I hung out with my friend B!
I haven't seen him in over a year so that was fun we watched the Olympics and hung out it was definitely different hanging out with another guy but it was fun!!
Now it is Monday I have actually had a busy morning/afternoon so it has gone by pretty fast (knock on wood)!
So as part of the "new me" and doing things for myself I joined Weight Watchers, so tonight I get to find out how I am doing and if I lost some weight. I feel like I did pretty good this past week, only had one splurge which was a piece of Peanut Butter Pie!! SOOO YUMMMY!!! I mean I will be happy losing a half a pound lol any type of loss would be wonderful so we shall see!!
Also excited for my Monday Night with the BFF, we always watch the Bachelor Pad together!!
Anywho that's my life for now!!
Friday, August 3, 2012
I can do this~~~
So I am way proud of myself!!
Today I managed to drop things at S's house that I still had and didn't CRY!!!
Then again he wasn't home, but still I was scared I would have a meltdown, but I didn't :)
I am done crying over the situation, God has better things in store for me, I know this!!
Someday I will be able to look back on this time in my life as a growing point and not the worst time of my life. I just want to be happy and I want the same for him, he deserves to be happy!!!
On a completely different note, being single for the first time in basically six years feels soooo strange!!
I feel like I need a refresher course on dating and flirting even lol.
I know I am driving my BFF crazy asking her for help, haha I think she may want to shoot me soon.
But she is sooo supportive and I am so blessed to have her in my life, like the sister I never had!!
I have a crazy busy weekend ahead of me so I will catch you all up on Monday!
Today I managed to drop things at S's house that I still had and didn't CRY!!!
Then again he wasn't home, but still I was scared I would have a meltdown, but I didn't :)
I am done crying over the situation, God has better things in store for me, I know this!!
Someday I will be able to look back on this time in my life as a growing point and not the worst time of my life. I just want to be happy and I want the same for him, he deserves to be happy!!!
On a completely different note, being single for the first time in basically six years feels soooo strange!!
I feel like I need a refresher course on dating and flirting even lol.
I know I am driving my BFF crazy asking her for help, haha I think she may want to shoot me soon.
But she is sooo supportive and I am so blessed to have her in my life, like the sister I never had!!
I have a crazy busy weekend ahead of me so I will catch you all up on Monday!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
freaking out a little bit
So today is Wednesday, which means church!!
Now the reason I am freaking out is because S has the potential to show up! Which I feel prepared to handle to an extent but then again not at all. I just don't know what to do if he shows up and wants to sit by me or talk, I know I will not be able to handle that. It is bad enough this weekend I have to go through stuff and bring things to his house that I have of his, but luckily I can do this while he is at work so that won't be so bad!
Something I am looking forward to today however is kids church especially for my niece and nephew. Today is superhero day, my nephew wants to be Batman and my niece Catwoman. So of course I was put in charge of making the costumes, well with the help of my bff we have a plan now I just need to execute it once my boss leaves for the day!! lol
Other than that I am doing good with the whole break up!!
Now the reason I am freaking out is because S has the potential to show up! Which I feel prepared to handle to an extent but then again not at all. I just don't know what to do if he shows up and wants to sit by me or talk, I know I will not be able to handle that. It is bad enough this weekend I have to go through stuff and bring things to his house that I have of his, but luckily I can do this while he is at work so that won't be so bad!
Something I am looking forward to today however is kids church especially for my niece and nephew. Today is superhero day, my nephew wants to be Batman and my niece Catwoman. So of course I was put in charge of making the costumes, well with the help of my bff we have a plan now I just need to execute it once my boss leaves for the day!! lol
Other than that I am doing good with the whole break up!!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
I made it through my entire first day of being single in the past five years!!! I didn't even cry until night time when I had time to realize how much I miss S still. I know it will take time but I am proud of myself for the way I have handled this situation.
It is time to start over. I am still most definitely in love with him, I will always love him, but I have to move on. If we are meant to be together our lives will cross paths later on in life and maybe things will be different. But for now this is how it is and I will not let what has happened bring me down. I am strong and confident!!!
It is time to start over. I am still most definitely in love with him, I will always love him, but I have to move on. If we are meant to be together our lives will cross paths later on in life and maybe things will be different. But for now this is how it is and I will not let what has happened bring me down. I am strong and confident!!!
Monday, July 30, 2012
Another Favorite Song
It doesn't matter where I run, You're there for me
It doesn't matter what I've done Your love's for me
You wipe away the tears, You lift me when I fall
My life is safe by the mercy of Your grace
You are my Father, Provider
You're my Deliverer
Your mercies embrace me, surround me
Through Your everlasting Love
Father I worship You
Father I worship you
It doesn't matter where I go, You walk with me
It doesn't matter when I fall, You cover me
You wipe away the tears, You lift me when I fall
My life is safe by the mercies of Your grace
You're my Deliverer
Your mercies embrace me, surround me
Through Your everlasting Love
Father I worship You
Father I worship you
And Your love is for me
And Your love is for me
And Your love is forever
Where did everything go wrong...?
Where to start...well my bff Nikki said I needed to start a blog to help me get over a guy that I have been dating for about 4 years on and off so here I am.
I first met S when I was in his grandma's girl scout troop at the age of about 6 little did I know 12 years later I would be falling in love with him and it would be a roller coaster for six years.
We started seeing each other the summer he graduated High School, we had a summer full of fun times and laughter and then I went away to college and so did he so we ended it but still stayed friends. S got involved with some not so good friends up at school so the dating ceased until he got all of that out of his system. By this time I had started dating another guy but wasn't near as into him I was into S, so over time that relationship ended and S and I got back together. We started dating seriously on October 20, 2010.
In November I finally got him to go to church with me, which is super important he knew that if he didn't become committed to God we had no future. So he started coming.
We had our ups and downs just like every relationship last year around October we took a week break just to think things over and make sure we had our priorities straight and we did and realized we couldn't stand being apart. He still came to church with me and was starting to really be committed to God not for me but for himself. In January of this year he got baptized and everything was great in February he received the Holy Ghost and everything was wonderful.
But then somewhere between then and now I just don't know what happened. He had to have surgery and was hospitalized for two days for bleeding and that was when my love for him grew even stronger because I couldn't have imagined what I would have done if he would not have made it through.
But now I sit here today Single because he doesn't love me anymore or so he says.
He has decided this over the course of one day everything changed in the past two weeks.
We had an argument about S lying to me repeatedly about something that he was doing, and no he wasn't cheating on me he would never do that. So you might be thinking what could he have been lying about, that I will not say but a lie is a lie and when it keeps going on pretty soon little lies lead to bigger ones. So I confronted him and he admitted to lying but said it was because he was afraid I would leave him and I said I won't leave you for what you are doing but for lying and having no remorse. So, I broke up with him and that night he showed up at my house and we had a huge talk about being honest and how relationships are built on trust and we decided to take a week break from each other to think about things.
He came to me and said he knew he had to change if he wanted things to work out and I gave him another chance. Things were great up until a couple days ago when he started acting weird not wanting to see me or spend time with me at all even when we were 30 seconds away. So I was really hurt because I am used to seeing him everyday we would hang out.
When I confronted him about it he said this is the real world and we won't be able to spend time together each day, and I said when we get married (which we have talked very seriously about we have promise rings) he replies "if we get married."
Now at this point I am extremely hurt we were just discussing kids names three days earlier and all of a sudden he doesn't know if he is committed to our relationship anymore.
So I told him right there and then if he wasn't in this for the long run anymore and to spend a future with me and get married and have children then what are WE doing?!?!?
He said he needed a week to think about his life and what he wants because he doesn't know anymore. I told him take a week but if you decide you aren't a hundred percent committed to me and God then it is over. So he left.
Then twenty minutes later I get a text YES a text saying he doesn't love me anymore and it is over.
Now I know that I am the one who said if you aren't sure then end it because I don't want to be strung along but it still hurts me so deep.
Yesterday was horrible but at least I had my bff with me to help me through it. I know that no matter what anyone says to me nothing can heal my broken heart. Even though I was a complete wreck I went to choir practice and made it through church even though no matter where I am I see and think of him. Choir practice I look over and he isn't in his usual spot singing his part and joking, he isn't sitting next to me throughout service nudging and sending me little looks out of the corner of my eyes that I can see, he isn't standing next to me when the choir sings, and then of course everyone asking me where he is doesn't help at ALL. Last night was the first night I didn't talk to him and had no one to tell me "I love you" it is so hard. I never imagined this day would come, I cried for hours and finally fell asleep so exhausted.
This morning was the first time I didn't have a "good morning baby girl" text and kills me inside but I haven't cried today which is quite amazing. I went to breakfast with my daddy and now am at work. And of course the day is dragging by and the more time I have to think about not being with him the more sad and heart broken I feel.
I don't know where to go from here, I will just try to find out how to be me without him which I never thought I would ever have to do.
I am just do glad I have God, such a great BFF and supportive family.
With God nothing is impossible. This song by the Planetshakers is so true!
Through you I can do anything
I can do all things
'Cause it's you who gives me strength
Nothing is impossible
Through you blind eyes are open
Strongholds are broken
I am living by faith
Nothing is impossible
I'm not gonna live by what I see
I'm not gonna live by what I feel
Deep down I know that You're here with me
And I know that You can do anything
I believe, I believe
I believe, I believe in You
I first met S when I was in his grandma's girl scout troop at the age of about 6 little did I know 12 years later I would be falling in love with him and it would be a roller coaster for six years.
We started seeing each other the summer he graduated High School, we had a summer full of fun times and laughter and then I went away to college and so did he so we ended it but still stayed friends. S got involved with some not so good friends up at school so the dating ceased until he got all of that out of his system. By this time I had started dating another guy but wasn't near as into him I was into S, so over time that relationship ended and S and I got back together. We started dating seriously on October 20, 2010.
In November I finally got him to go to church with me, which is super important he knew that if he didn't become committed to God we had no future. So he started coming.
We had our ups and downs just like every relationship last year around October we took a week break just to think things over and make sure we had our priorities straight and we did and realized we couldn't stand being apart. He still came to church with me and was starting to really be committed to God not for me but for himself. In January of this year he got baptized and everything was great in February he received the Holy Ghost and everything was wonderful.
But then somewhere between then and now I just don't know what happened. He had to have surgery and was hospitalized for two days for bleeding and that was when my love for him grew even stronger because I couldn't have imagined what I would have done if he would not have made it through.
But now I sit here today Single because he doesn't love me anymore or so he says.
He has decided this over the course of one day everything changed in the past two weeks.
We had an argument about S lying to me repeatedly about something that he was doing, and no he wasn't cheating on me he would never do that. So you might be thinking what could he have been lying about, that I will not say but a lie is a lie and when it keeps going on pretty soon little lies lead to bigger ones. So I confronted him and he admitted to lying but said it was because he was afraid I would leave him and I said I won't leave you for what you are doing but for lying and having no remorse. So, I broke up with him and that night he showed up at my house and we had a huge talk about being honest and how relationships are built on trust and we decided to take a week break from each other to think about things.
He came to me and said he knew he had to change if he wanted things to work out and I gave him another chance. Things were great up until a couple days ago when he started acting weird not wanting to see me or spend time with me at all even when we were 30 seconds away. So I was really hurt because I am used to seeing him everyday we would hang out.
When I confronted him about it he said this is the real world and we won't be able to spend time together each day, and I said when we get married (which we have talked very seriously about we have promise rings) he replies "if we get married."
Now at this point I am extremely hurt we were just discussing kids names three days earlier and all of a sudden he doesn't know if he is committed to our relationship anymore.
So I told him right there and then if he wasn't in this for the long run anymore and to spend a future with me and get married and have children then what are WE doing?!?!?
He said he needed a week to think about his life and what he wants because he doesn't know anymore. I told him take a week but if you decide you aren't a hundred percent committed to me and God then it is over. So he left.
Then twenty minutes later I get a text YES a text saying he doesn't love me anymore and it is over.
Now I know that I am the one who said if you aren't sure then end it because I don't want to be strung along but it still hurts me so deep.
Yesterday was horrible but at least I had my bff with me to help me through it. I know that no matter what anyone says to me nothing can heal my broken heart. Even though I was a complete wreck I went to choir practice and made it through church even though no matter where I am I see and think of him. Choir practice I look over and he isn't in his usual spot singing his part and joking, he isn't sitting next to me throughout service nudging and sending me little looks out of the corner of my eyes that I can see, he isn't standing next to me when the choir sings, and then of course everyone asking me where he is doesn't help at ALL. Last night was the first night I didn't talk to him and had no one to tell me "I love you" it is so hard. I never imagined this day would come, I cried for hours and finally fell asleep so exhausted.
This morning was the first time I didn't have a "good morning baby girl" text and kills me inside but I haven't cried today which is quite amazing. I went to breakfast with my daddy and now am at work. And of course the day is dragging by and the more time I have to think about not being with him the more sad and heart broken I feel.
I don't know where to go from here, I will just try to find out how to be me without him which I never thought I would ever have to do.
I am just do glad I have God, such a great BFF and supportive family.
With God nothing is impossible. This song by the Planetshakers is so true!
Through you I can do anything
I can do all things
'Cause it's you who gives me strength
Nothing is impossible
Through you blind eyes are open
Strongholds are broken
I am living by faith
Nothing is impossible
I'm not gonna live by what I see
I'm not gonna live by what I feel
Deep down I know that You're here with me
And I know that You can do anything
I believe, I believe
I believe, I believe in You
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